Dad, how was drawing me, "asks Diego about an image that has little to read, but in the eyes of his father is the nicest he has seen. Situations like this are recurrent, especially when children are small, a fact that parents rate as a way of raising children more confident in themselves.
But the issue goes beyond a simple compliment. Positive reinforcement is important, but along with it is essential to act consistently with what is said. For example, if they are encouraged by making the bed or dressing themselves, then we must allow and give space to do so. Is consistency between what is said and what is it that conveys security and reduces uncertainty, which allows children to recognize themselves as capable.
Children s Psychiatry
errors in common
Surely no one is expert in how to be father, but be clear that some errors are critical when it comes to providing security. The most common thing:
* The lack of availability as parents to adversity experienced by children.
* Over-ie, do not give options for the child to believe in himself, doing everything for him.
* The apprehensiveness, as through her parents pass their own insecurities to their children.
* Standards in inconsistency . To the extent that set limits and do not care are met, the child can not develop a clear predictability of things, generating insecurity.
* The sobreinvolucración. This is when the child is given responsibilities for which he is unprepared, for example, decide whether or not to go to school or future married life of a parent, among other things.
However, there are parents who make exaggerated reinforcements children. This occurs when behaviors are not accompanied by concrete action in accordance with reason is complimenting or compliments clearly do not correspond, which increases the confusion in the child and creates more insecurity.
It compliments and switch between "real" and others "not real", it confuses the child, who does not know when it relates closely to an attribute of it and when not. The same is true when the emphasis of a compliment to a child is to disqualify another, creating the internal feeling that one can also be neglected at some point.
Confidence is permanently under construction since the children are born, through the availability to meet your needs and the harmony is achieved between the attention given and the needs they have. This is an ongoing process in which you can always add confidence. While earlier, constant and prolonged the parent-child relationship, the better the security is achieved. The presence and company of the fathers upon the children living processes is vital.
It is important, for example, that the educational establishment has a vision of the human being, facilitate and enhance family involvement in the growth process, generate the request for the relationship with others, embraces diversity and values the needs of others. Also, the teacher should give clear messages and behaviors consistent, encourage age-appropriate autonomy of the child, facilitate accountability, stimulate creativity, enhance skills and individuality, accept difference and be an "other" with which the child can relate to.
How to know if it is unsafe?
The specialist explains that insecurity can be shown mainly through two ways. The first is when the child is fearful, withdrawn, prone to avoid problems with few skills to solve or address them. In these children may be confused insecurity and fear with the penalty, which can make you strive for comfort and overprotective, increasing insecurity.
The other way is more difficult to detect, because it confuses the child who has the fear of rabies. The minor, his insecurity, are more irritable, less tolerance for frustration and more challenging, increasing conflict and generates behaviors in the parents fault, disqualification or distance, which harm the child safety and increase helplessness in parents.
But we must distinguish the insecurity of shyness, as the latter may correspond to a more introverted child, thoughtful and analyzes situations before acting. However, at other times, shyness can be a consequence of insecurity. The difference is that shyness would not go against the healthy development while insecurity is a disruption of their development process.
As a result, insecurity may be an aspect that facilitates the development of disorders in predisposed and negatively influences the development or prognosis of others. These involve anxiety disorders (separation, adaptation with anxious symptoms, generalized anxiety, phobia and selective mutism), behavioral (oppositional defiant disorder, with symptoms of behavioral adaptation), mood (depressive disorder), and development of personality (traits inhibited and dependent personality).
Modern society and insecurity
One aspect of modern society, is that greatly promotes insecurity by:
* Tendency to follow a pattern and not discovered each accepting differences.
* Privilege of what is certain, without teaching to tolerate uncertainty, which necessarily are exposed.
* Excess media that foster creativity and spaces of silence, reflection or listen to oneself.
* Soon the parents with their children to assert their achievements.
* Privilege of the immediate and short-term achievement.
* Supremacy of doing and have about living and being. This limits the build or discover yourself.
However, if you previously been a deficit in this security, you must be a dual effort to repair what before was not achieved and to continue building confidence and security in the future. In this task, besides the role of parents, there are aspects of the school and teacher characteristics also help.
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