Humorous Life Story #8- "The Year I Was Duped Into Playing Santa"

I spent part of my time in the US Army Veterinary Corps stationed at Lackland Air Force Base in San Antonio, Texas.  While I was stationed there, one of my best friends from veterinary school was stationed at Brooks Air Force Base, which is also in San Antonio.  Christmas time was approaching and Shawn asked me if I would like to volunteer with her; her husband,Yves; and her daughter, Jessi to deliver Christmas presents as part of a big charity event that occurs in San Antonio every year.  I told her that it sounded like fun and to count me in.

The day arrived for us to go deliver the presents.  It was December; and it was unseasonably warm.  If I remember correctly, it was in the 80's. As we are pulling into the warehouse where we were supposed to pick up the presents, my friend says to me, "Oh, by the way, you are going to have to dress up like Santa Claus." 

I am about 5 feet tall, red-headed, and female.  So, naturally, I just laughed at her.

She said, "Seriously, they require the person handing out the presents to dress and act like Santa Claus.  Yves can't do it, because no one will understand him and I'm going to be your helper.  I'm going to have to dress like an elf."  Her husband, Yves, was a French Canadian and had a very heavy accent. 

"I'm going to make a ridiculous looking Santa Claus," I grumbled.  Knowing that she had me cornered.  I also knew that she had waited until we were there, because she knew that I would have backed out, if I had known in advance.

I was still hoping that she was pulling my leg, when we walked into the warehouse.  We were greeted by someone who asked, "Who is going to be Santa?"  Shawn, Yves, and Jessi all pointed at me.

I was hustled off into a back area, where I was promptly turned into one of the most unconvincing Santas of all time.  They put me in the red suit, a hat, black boots, a pillow for the belly, and the beard.  Then, they proceeded to paint my cheeks rosy and my eyebrows grey.  My only consolation was that at least Shawn was having to put on the elf suit.

When I walked out of the dressing area, Shawn, Yves, and Jessi all busted out laughing.  "Where's your elf suit?" I asked.

"Sorry, I lied," laughed Shawn. "You're the only one that has to dress up."

They sent us into a primarily hispanic neighborhood.  Most of the kids could speak English, but many of the parents could not.  The kids didn't know whether or not to call me "Mrs. Claus" or "Santa".  I could tell that the parents were torn between hilarity at how I looked and thanfulness for delivering the presents.

The suit was excrutiatinly hot; I was totally embarassed; but I had a wonderful time.  I will never forget the Christmas I was "Duped Into Playing Santa."

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12 Truths You Should Know Before Eating a Coca-Cola

Dwight Eisenhower during the course of the Second World War (1939-1945) ordered that each of the three million American soldiers who were in the front, drugging them with high doses of Coca Cola in order to fire their weapons without no fear or scruple. "Without a Coke the soldiers shoot." From these serious events, this drink becomes the "refresh" official White House and the symbol of American imperialism. This crime has historically been closely linked to the clans of the United States, one of them, Kennedy (family of presidents) famous for their businesses with alcohol (whiskey) and drugs, on Bay of Pigs invasion in Cuba and in Vietnam they came out with their tails between their legs .

2. Addictive effects

The coke like morphine, cocaine, marijuana, crack cocaine, diazepam, ecstasy, bensodiacetina (ativan), alcohol, and other hallucinogens, produces adverse effects, hallucinations, feelings or perceptions imaginary and highly addictive and degenerative of the human race.

3. Development of Diabetes

For every drink you drink coca cola is consuming five tablespoons of sugar, the pancreas needs to send a lot of insulin to the blood to counter this vicious attack. As you consume many "drinks" the pancreas itself often repeats the same exercise to exhaustion and stop producing the insulin you need, producing finally a diabetes, a situation that forces him to inject insulin to meet the needs of your body. Diabetes is reaching him imperceptibly. A good number of victims of this serious disease end with its members amputees as a result of gangrene caused by the non-healing wounds mild they are. The majority of diabetes patients leads to death.
4. Brain Diseases

The enormous amount of sugar consumed in a Coca Cola, combined with other ingredients (phosphoric acid) alters the balance of calcium and phosphorus in your body, causing damage to your bones (osteoporosis), malnutrition, iron deficiency anemia and anemia (lack of red blood cells). This produces excess vitamin B deficiency and B12 in the body, forcing him to take it from your brain, resulting in most addicts nerve palsy, premature death of neurons and in chronic cases the consumption sickness Alzheimer's, Parkinson, Huntington's disease and ultimately death. B12 deficiency also occurs, male and female infertility which usually takes the name of pernicious anemia.

Coca Cola is present microscopic glass, aluminum waste, known as calcium hypochlorite, chlorine, silica determined as sand, activated carbon waste. The latter two cause cancer. If you do not believe in a laboratory see for analyzing honest.

5. Deterioration of the Human Body

The consumption of Coca Cola creates a deficiency of up to 75% of vitamins A and C, thiamine and 2/5 Riboflavin. The deficiency in the body of Vitamin C (ascorbic acid) causes scurvy that is characterized by frequent capillary bleeding anemia by alterations in the metabolism of iron and folic acid hair loss, chronic intracranial hemorrhage, especially in skeletal disorders children, pregnant women, infants and the elderly; mobile teeth may fall travel, periodontal bacterial infection, rash, impaired healing and coagulation and limiting the size of the wounds. Riboflavin deficiency produces: shiny atrophic unpolished language, corneal lesions, scaly greasy especially the scalp accompanied by hair loss particularly in older adults; regeneramiento bone marrow and thus immunodeficiency.
Lack of Thiamine produces dry beriberi (nerve injury, numbness and tingling of the feet and lower legs, then this symptom occurs in the upper extremities, progressive sensory loss in the affected areas accompanied by muscle weakness and sagging in the adult penis.), the wet beriberi (injury of the heart, peripheral vasodilation, arteriovenous shunt and severe case Berber Shoshin-strong and uncontrollable movements of the whole body.) and finally that Wernicke-Korsakoff syndrome and occurs in those who consume alcoholic beverages and Coca Cola is to alteration of mental function (temporary confusion, stupor, disorientation and memory loss), 10% die from infection, delirium tremens, liver failure or cardiovascular collapse.
Vitamin A deficiency causes impaired reproduction, skeletal growth and immunodeficiency in infections especially in children, softening and corneal ulceration, corneal scarring and blindness, increased production of skin tumors and lung.

6. Heartburn and Digestive Disorders

Another part of the world's most famous drink is the Fosforito acid, which is used to produce more thirst and the client (addict) consumes more venom. This component destroys the enamel of your teeth and molars. The Coca Cola in most of our homes is used to clean car batteries, degreasing engines, loosen nuts and bolts, dissolved iron and unclog pipes. Just think for a moment what Coke can do against your body. When you eat one of these "soft", the digestive system takes 72 hours to remove it, of course, has already caused serious disruption to his poor body.
7. High Doses Of Caffeine

The third ingredient of the black waters of gringo imperialism is the famous and lethal caffeine. This attacks the nervous system emulating the body and becoming more addicted to the consumer (the same effect of cocaine, morphine and opium). In the human body produces tachycardia, insomnia, headaches, nervous anxiety and gastric ulcers, jaundice (yellowish green), is pure poison. The Coca Cola in the container should carry an inscription that says: "This product is very harmful to your health." Caffeine stimulates all portions of the cerebral cortex, causing irreversible damage to the spinal center, affecting the heart rate, blood vessel diameter, coronary circulation, blood pressure, urine and other physiological functions. The consumption of Coca Cola produces chronic poisoning, progressive and powerful, reaching cause strokes, aneurysms and thrombosis in drinkers who are victims of addiction.


8. Coca Leaves and Other

Now come the main components of the drink. The fourth and fifth are poisonous ingredient in Coca leaves and kola nuts (tree seed equatorial). Both are used as exciting digestive and nervous systems. Consumption and intoxication habit reaching hallucinations, acute physical decay and death. The consequences of sowing and coca production, distribution and consumption of other derivatives (cocaine, crack, bazuko) are well known worldwide for its predatory effects on social, environmental, cultural, moral, political and sanitation. The sixth element predator "refresh" is carbon dioxide (carbonated water) for bubble generation and finally vanilla, thus completing the famous formula 7X known worldwide.

9. Aspartame

The Coca Cola Light "especially for diabetics" (with the "classic" produce diabetes), is sweetened with aspartame, an artificial sweetener that is highly carcinogenic. Also presented sweetly as Nutrasweet, but also kills. In the generation of addicted women with breast cancer, skin, ovaries, osteoporosis is very common. In man it is common cause prostate cancer, stomach cancer and cirrhosis. You decide if you want if you want to live or be killed.

10. Symbol Of Death

Coca-Cola is the official drink of the White House, but not the presidential family consumes them and now you know why. Coca Cola is the symbol of American imperialism, the symbol of the invasion, war, destruction and death, Coca Cola goes hand in hand with the green berets, the Pentagon, NATO, OAS, squads death, mercenaries, Marines, etc..

11. Genocide History

Since 1886 when Colonel U.S. Army John s. Pemberton (coca consumer for his profound addiction to morphine) invented in Atlanta Georgia on harmful syrup now known as Coca-Cola, this has been characterized as the most aggressive and violent multinational in the world.

In his resume with his participation in the genocide of Vietnamese communities, North Korea, Angola, Bay of Pigs invasion of Cuba and Vietnam, assassinations of workers in Guatemala, Colombia, USA, Ecuador, Paraguay, Sudan, Zaire, Mozambique, Uganda, Pakistan Iran, support for the fascist governments of the Southern Cone (Chile, Argentina, Paraguay, Uruguay) and Fulgencio Batista in Cuba, the overthrow of leftist governments (Chile, Nicaragua) and support for the Contras in El Salvador by financing paramilitary groups continued violation to the law of peoples and cultures and devastation of biodiversity around the world.

12. Transgenic

Coca Cola in the production of its drinks products used as raw material altered, modified and genetically deformed "transgenic" mutations causing severe organic consumers, especially in children. Like other multinationals involved in the extraction of humanity through the use of transgenic technology to continue taking over the world as the lapdog of imperialism of the United States.

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Pet Health Tip #14- "Do dogs get dementia?"

As dogs age, they can develop symptoms similar to dementia in humans.  It is termed Canine Cognitive Dysfunction or CCD.  Dogs with CCD can show a variety of symptoms.  These include forgetting how to do simple tasks such as how to climb stairs; or they may forget how to back up and get stuck in a corner.  Another common symptom is becoming fearful.  Because the dog is fearful, their personality can change causing them to growl or bite.  Many dogs will also develop a fear of the dark.  These dogs often pace restlessly at night.

There are medications available that will slow the progression of CCD, but similar to humans, there is no cure.  The best treatment is our understanding of these changes and doing the best we can to accommodate them.  For instance, if the dog has grown fearful, we can try to minimize the amount of stress in their lives.  One example, would be allow them a safe place to go if there are small children in the house.  If they have grown fearful of the dark, give them a nightlight.  Also, they will need patience and understanding for when they grow forgetful.

Geriatric dogs can be a challenge.  Our dogs give us unconditional love and the least we can do is give them our patience and understanding as they age.

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How To Choose a Date to Conceive

It is important to plan pregnancy for the couple begins to take care before the start, in the past only gave importance to the care of women as bearers of pregnancy, but now the weight and role of partners is of vital importance. It is important that both parents bear a healthy, non-toxic, good nutrition and exercise to perform. Women have to start from planning with folic acid supplements for pregnancy to begin to develop in ideal conditions, the man can supplement your diet with omega 3 fatty acids, DHA, to improve sperm quality.

We must take into account a lot more of considerations:

How long is pregnancy?

It is popularly said to be nine months, but actually takes ten lunar months (28 days), ie 280 days or 40 weeks. Not so much as it sounds, because the first two weeks do not count are those which precede ovulation. To calculate the due date, you go back three months from the date of the last period and add a week, for example if the last period was August 1, back three months, until May 1, and adds one week : the due date will be May 8, ie 40 weeks. Pregnancy is a term from week 37 through 42, so this date may be advanced or delayed three weeks fortnight.

What is the most common month to conceive?

This is something that varies from country to country, according to customs and holiday periods. In Spain, the months when most babies are born in March, May, September and October, conceived in July, September, December and January.

What time of day more babies are born?

Although it may seem that most babies are born at dawn, the statistics tell us that actually do during the day

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Calculating The Date of Birth after IVF

The initial correspond to IVF in vitro fertilization. The IVF procedure is a technique of fertility used to help infertile couples become pregnant. During this procedure the woman takes fertility drugs, which are responsible for stimulating the production of eggs. Once mature, the eggs are extracted from the body, fertilized with sperm from her partner and then implanted in the uterus. After implantation, the woman can get pregnant and expecting a child or more. The due date of a woman who becomes pregnant after in vitro fertilization can be calculated easily.

   

Instructions

1.      Make sure you have noted all the correct dates. The most important date you need to know is the recovery. Recovery is the exact day the eggs were extracted from your body or someone who has donated. This date is not the one you started taking the medication. The only matters is the extraction of the eggs. If you are calculating the due date of a pregnancy generated from a frozen embryo, you can subtract three days the eggs were implanted into your uterus.
   

  2.    Subtract 15 days from the date of recovery. Do this even if you've been taking medication for those days. This period is considered the day of your LMP or last menstrual period. Take note of this day in a calendar to count easily.


 3.     Once you have those days, you can calculate your due date. Most pregnancies last between 38 and 42 weeks. Add 40 weeks from the date of your last menstrual period. That is going to be your date of birth.


4.    Just  Calculate your due date. For example, if you have implanted the fertilized eggs on January 1st, your last menstrual period must have been the December 16, or two weeks before implantation. This would make the second trimester of your pregnancy begins March 12. The third quarter beginning on June 23. The estimated due date would be around September 24. All delivery dates are not exact.


5.      Subtract 3 weeks if you are expecting twins. A normal pregnancy lasts about such 37 weeks. If you are expecting triplets, subtract 3 weeks. If more than three children, ask your doctor about your due date. The due date of a multiple pregnancy varies for each person.

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Calculating The Date Of Ovulation In a Woman

Write and note down the first day of your last period. This is the date you start your menstrual cycle.

     Record the average number of days of your menstrual cycle individually. Your menstrual cycle begins on the first day of your period and ends one day before having the next. The number of days in that cycle is known as your menstrual cycle specific. Most women have a 28 to 29 day cycle. Calculate your average following your cycle for several months, this may vary slightly from month to month. Average your cycles for 3 or 4 months to determine your menstrual cycle length.
  
      Know that usually women ovulate 14 days after the onset of the menstrual cycle. This means that if you have a 28 day cycle, probably ovulate on day 14. If you have a 30 day cycle, ovulate around day 16.
  
      Use ovulation calculators online to easily see the dates of ovulation previews. Websites such as Ovulation-Calculator and The Parent Imperfected calculate your ovulation date for you. You must enter the first day of your last period and your average length of your menstrual cycle to get the results.
  
      Temperature method attempts to determine ovulation. Note down your temperature every morning, the day after you ovulate, your temperature will be about half a degree Celsius higher than normal. Be sure to take your temperature first thing in the morning before getting out of bed, because movement causes the temperature increase.
  
      Look after your vaginal discharge. As ovulation approaches, vaginal discharge tends to be more watery and clear. During the day of ovulation, the discharge will be denser and moist and, immediately after ovulation, it will be somewhat sticky.
  
      Visit to a fertility specialist to help you determine your time of ovulation. These doctors may do several tests to help you set your ovulation dates provided.

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Pet Health Tip #13 - Canine Hip Dysplasia

What is Hip Dysplasia?

Hip Dysplasia is caused by the abnormal development of the hip joint.  The hip joint is a ball and socket joint.  The head (top) of the femur (long upper leg bone) is the ball and it sits in a socket (acetabulum) of the hip bone (os coxae).  The head of the femur is supposed to sit very snugly in the acetabulum.  It is allowed a rolling motion, but is NOT supposed to have a sliding motion. 

So, in a dog with Hip Dysplasia the ball (head of femur) is usually too small and the socket is too shallow.  This results in a "loose" joint.  In other words, instead of getting that snug fit, the joint has too much motion.  This can allow the joint to subluxate or "pop in and out".  Over time, this extra motion cause "wear and tear" on the joint and results in arthritis.

What Causes Hip Dysplasia?

Hip Dysplasia is primarily the result of genetics.  That is why it is more common in certain breeds of dogs such as Labs and Rottweilers.  As the puppy ages, the joint doesn't develop correctly and results in Hip Dysplasia.

What are the Symptoms of Hip Dysplasia?

It is often hard to diagnose Hip Dysplasia in really young puppies.  All puppies have pretty loose joints.  The question is whether they are going to develop normally or abnormally as the puppy grows.  However, by the time the puppy is about 6 months old, you will often start to see evidence of hip dysplasia.  The puppy may have a "rolling gate" where you can actually see the hip joint slipping when they walk.  This is often missed due to the fact that puppies are pretty resilient and will ignore the inconvenience of a slipping hip joint.

Typically, Hip Dysplasia is diagnosed once the dog has fully matured and the joint starts to break down.  The dog will have trouble rising, may cry out if their hips are pushed on, may have trouble maneuvering up stairs, or jumping into cars or onto the bed.

What Can I Do For My Dog if He Has Hip Dysplasia?

The only "cure" for Hip Dysplasia is hip replacement surgery.  As you can imagine, this is pretty expensive and only a few specialist will even perform the surgery.  The second best thing that you can do is make sure that you keep your dog fit.  The hip joint should NOT have to work overtime.  Obesity will cause the joint to break down much faster causing severe arthritis.  Mild forms of exercise such as swimming and walking will help keep the joint healthy.

There are several good medications for not only pain relief, but also to help keep the cartilage in the joint healthy. 

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Humerous Life Story #7- "My walk into Canada"

My husband and I were married 7 years ago.  For our honeymoon, we took a trip that started in NYC and moved its way up the east coast into Maine.  Our plan was to take a train from NYC to Boston and then rent a car to drive up into Maine.  The night before we were supposed to board the train, a bomb exploded on a train in London.  The news was filled with information about heightened security at the train stations and border crossings.  My husband and I were really concerned about getting on the train the next morning.

We showed up at the train station several hours before departure in anticipation of the heightened security.  However, much to our surprise, when we arrived at the station, there was no real security that we could see.  We just loaded up on the train and off we went.  We didn't have to show any identification or even have our baggage checked.  We got a pretty good laugh about that.

A few days later, we were in Maine and decided that we would go ahead and venture into Canada.  Basically, just to say that we were there.  When we arrived at the border town on the US side, we went into a visitor's center.  The employee told us that we could either drive into Canada or walk across a short bridge that spanned a small river.  He also informed us that we better have at least 2 forms of ID if we wanted to get back into the US once we crossed over.  At that time, no passport was required.

My husband and I decided that we would just walk across the bridge.  We didn't have that much time and really just wanted to take some pictures and look for souvenirs.  So, we headed across the bridge.  As we were approaching the Canadian shore, we saw a sign that instructed all pedestrians to enter the border patrol station in order to check in.  So, when we arrived, that is what we did. 

We walked into a small office and two Canadian Border Patrol officers were sitting behind a counter.  They glanced up and one of them asked, "What are you doing in here?"  He was obviously confused. 

I answered, "The sign on the bridge says that all pedestrians must check in at the border patrol station.  So, here we are."

He seemed even more confused as he asked, "You walked over here?"

My husband answered, "Yes."

The man asked, "Where is your car?"

"Still in the US," I answered.  I was now almost as confused as the border patrol officer seemed.

"What are you doing here?" asked the man.

"We just want to go into the souvenirs shop across the street," I answered.

"Well, okay. Go ahead," said the man.

"Don't you want to see some ID or anything?" asked my husband.

"No, that's okay," answered the man.

My husband and I walked out of the office completely confused by the conversation that we had just had.  Then we walked across the street and entered the souvenirs shop.  When we travel, I like to buy t-shirts and my husband likes to by coffee mugs.  We looked around the store that was filled with mostly tobacco and alcohol products.  I found one t-shirt that wasn't my size and we didn't see any coffee mugs.  So, my husband asked the woman that was sitting at the cash register, "Do you have any more t-shirts or any coffee mugs?"

She answered, "We may have something upstairs if you want to dig around up there."  She gestured toward a darkened staircase that was roped off.

I said quietly to my husband, "Never mind.  I don't want to go dig around up there."
 
The woman said, "Let me get Jim to take you up.  I'm sure we have some more stuff up there."  Before we could stop her, she called out to Jim.

Jim came up to us and my husband shrugged at me and said, "I guess we might as well go up."  And he turned to follow Jim to the base of the staircase.

I reluctantly followed along. I really did not want to go digging around in boxes in the attic of someone's shop just to get a t-shirt that said I had been to Canada.

When we got to the top of the stairs, Jim turned on the light and my husband and I were both shocked at the sight before us.  We were standing in a very large room filled with racks and racks of t-shirts.  There were beautiful curio cabinets filled with an assortment of coffee mugs.  We both glanced at each other in wide-eyed shock and busted out laughing.  We spent the next few minutes picking out our purchases.

When we went back downstairs to check out.   We had purchased one t-shirt and one coffee mug that were placed in a plastic bag.  Jim asked, "Where's your car?"

My husband answered, "In the US."

Jim looked at us in confusion and said, "How am I supposed to load the bag in your car?"

My husband answered, "We walked over here.  We will just carry it back."  Then he reached to take the bag from Jim.

Jim pulled the bag back and said, "I can't let you carry the bag.  I will have to carry it across the street to the US Border Patrol station.

"Seriously," I asked.  Thinking that the situation was getting more bazaar by the second and having a hard time not bursting out laughing.

"Yes," he answered seriously.  Then he added, "Follow me."

He walked out the store with the bag held high over his head.  He walked that way until we had crossed the street.  As we stood outside the border patrol office, he handed me the bag and said, "You have to show them this."  Then he turned and hurried back across the street and disappeared back inside the store.

My husband and I turned and walked into the US Border Patrol Station.  When we entered the station, the officer looked up and said, "What are you doing in here?"

I almost cracked up.  So, with a huge grin on my face, I answered, "Because, the guy from the store over there said we had to show you this." I held up the bag.

"Do you have any alcohol or tobacco in there?" the officer asked.

"No," I answered.

"Okay, you can go," said the officer.

My husband and I were both struggling to keep a straight face as we walked back out the door.  "Well, so much for 2 forms of ID and heightened security," my husband said dryly.

"I know.  They didn't even look in the bag," I answered

We both busted out laughing.

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Pet Health Tip #12- What are "Hot Spots"?

I thought that I would follow up my post on ear infections with some information on "hot spots" as these two issues are often caused by the same underlying problem.

What are "hot spots"?- A "hot spot" is basically a localized skin infection.  Typically the owner will notice an area of matted fur or a lesion that is oozing pus that appeared very suddenly.  The skin will be very red an inflamed. 

What causes "hot spots"?- "Hot spots" are localized bacterial skin infections usually caused by Staphylococcus spp.  Typically what happens is  the skin becomes inflamed and the bacteria that are normally found on the skin invade and cause an infection.

What causes the skin to become inflamed?- There are 3 common causes of the initial inflammation of the skin: 1) Moist skin- this is similar to the cause of ear infections.  The skin becomes moist (bath, swimming, heat).  If the dog has dense fur, then this area doesn't dry properly and the moist skin becomes inflamed allowing the bacterial invasion; 2) Fleas- The skin becomes inflamed from either the flea bites or the dog scratching; 3) Ear infections- Often times a hot spot will develop under the ear due to the either the dog digging at their ear or from the discharge coming out of the ear.

How do you treat "Hot spots"?- The main treatment is to allow the skin to dry.  This is accomplished by shaving the fur from around the lesion.  Once the fur is removed, then the air can circulated over the skin and dry it out.  The next thing is to thoroughly clean the area.  Most of the time the dog will also need oral antibiotics in order to heal the infection. 

"Hot spots" can spread very rapidly.  The are very painful and can cause nasty looking lesions.  It is very important that you get the "hot spot" taken care of as soon as you notice that it is there.

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